Life as Mom

Before I had kids, I listened to some friends with children about their life as parent, their kids’ first steps, the amounts of milk or solid food they eat, how and why they cry, when and how many teeth they grow and never ending kind of complains which were mixed with happiness and great pride for their kids.

I must admit I loved to know how they are doing but not soooo much… My mom-friends could go on and on about their kids and I just could not take it for so long. So I promised to myself to NEVER-EVER, like really never-ever be like them!!!

Several years have passed, my first son was born and one moment while chatting with a good friend of mine I caught myself on the thought while talking about the sleeping patterns of my baby for about 20 Minutes. Oh my god, I though, I became like them, those chatty-annoying mommys!! (A special thank you for that very good listener “no-kid” friend of mine Lucy, who can still listen to me for hours about my daily happy or challenging moments)

Things change… We change…It’s all known that the life is different from the moment we have little treasures in our life. And we can never imagine or plan how will it be, and especially how will we be. We don’t know which type of mother we will become, how gentle or firm we will be with our children, ourselves, our friends or even to our parents.

What is certain, that it will be different… Don’t try to plan or predict… Just enjoy the ride…

So what exactly does it mean, TO BE A MOM? Here is 15 changes happening to a woman who becomes a mommy.

  1. I could sleep as long as I wanted and didn’t care when I go to bed
  2. I brushed my teeth twice per day
  3. Every day I tried to keep my place clean
  4. I didn’t step on toys and learn by heart children’s songs
  5. I didn’t even think whether my plans are not healthy for the kids environment
  6. I have never looked into the eyes full of tears, and wanted to cry myself
  7. I have never felt happier when seeing toothless smile of a baby
  8. It always bothered me when other kids were crying or screaming, especially on the plane.. not anymore
  9. I didn’t stay next to a cot without breathing not to wake the baby up
  10. I never thought I would crawl out of the room just not to wake the baby up
  11. I never held sleeping baby just not to let it go
  12. I have never felt such strong and passionate love towards someone
  13. I never thought that having a baby could be so fulfilling and beautiful
  14. I never woke up every 15 minutes just to check that everything is fine
  15. I never thought I could worry so much and and have such deep emotions…before I became a mother

Positive vs. Negative: say I love you more often

Our days are busy, we get tired and stressed, especially when we have to juggle work, kindergarten, home, cleaning, cooking, cleaning again etc. In those moments, it’s very easy to be negative and forget our positive spirit. In such situations we can sometimes lose our temper…sometimes with your child. Yes, it happened to me once or twice and I felt horrible.

Of course we can apologise afterwards, but let’s try to understand that children are like a sponge. They absorb information very fast. And once the words are out, there is a risk they will be remembered. Also, it is impossible for us to know the ways in which it could affect the LO.

Here are some standard  “negative” and “positive” phrases we could keep in mind because they could echo into the future, especially in difficult situations.  So, let’s get started…

Instead of saying:

  1. Boys don’t cry
  2. If you don’t listen to me, then you don’t get this or that
  3. We buy so many things for you and spend so much on you, and you …
  4. Don’t mind others, you are the priority
  5. Don’t be stupid or anything involving such words
  6. You will never have friends if you do this or that
  7. You are just like your dad / mom (what does it even mean??)
  8. You will never survive in this world if you keep doing this or that
  9. Stop eating so much otherwise you get fat and lonely
  10. Look at this kid (or brother / sister), he/she is doing it so much better than you

Let us focus on positive comments and motivation by saying this:

  1. Our dad/mom is the best in the whole world
  2. If you just do a little more effort, you will surely succeed
  3. It’s ok to cry a bit, you feel better
  4. I’m so happy to have you
  5. Don’t be afraid, I will always be next to you when you need me
  6. I’m so proud of you
  7. It’s ok to make mistakes, just try again
  8. You can make your own decision, I will support you
  9. We love you and we trust in you
  10. Dream and you can make every dream come true

Not from the first sight

This is how it all started. One evening, after I put my 3 months old baby to sleep, I just felt something. Something very strong, so strong that I had to share it with my best friend. I wrote her an instant message that was too long for the format used. I just squeezed all my thoughts into the longest text message ever! Importantly, I realised that I felt even happier than before. Here is what I wrote:

“You know what? Remember I told you that, in the beginning, when Alex Lucas was born, I was not really so crazy about him. It was not the love from the first sight that everyone talks about. I was scared about not having these feelings of love for my little baby boy. Of course I loved him, but I didn’t know him really yet.

Then, a couple of months later, I slowly started to fall in love… It was not yet THAT “big bang” love, but rather a longing to see him and a curiosity about his next movements. I was very gently, reasonable, sober and rational about him. Because he is a person and I had not really got to know him yet at that point.

But now, ….. I don’t know what happened, maybe it’s the fact he is reacting and chatting and smiling etc,  but I am soooooo crazy in love with him!!!! I don’t remember the last time I have ever been so in love. It’s very similar feeling to a man that you love. It’s so great and overwhelming. It’s literally like those times when I was first in love with Daniel and now Alex Lucas is his little version. (Of course I’m still in love with Daniel too)… It’s not just loving someone but really being in love… When you get butterflies and your heart beating strong and it seems as you on cloud nine.

Can’t get enough of Alex… Of course I can relax in the evening when he sleeps and I can have some “me time”, but the feeling of being in love is soooo strongly in my mind. I feel like a better person. And I feel like a happier person…”.

If this feeling doesn’t come to your baby immediately: when you get pregnant or when you give birth, that’s perfectly normal. You are a mother and will always be a mother.

The birth of a baby is such a miracle that it is just difficult to fully grasp and understand this concept… that in just 9 months there is a new little person coming to meet you and unconditionally love you.