Positive vs. Negative: say I love you more often

Our days are busy, we get tired and stressed, especially when we have to juggle work, kindergarten, home, cleaning, cooking, cleaning again etc. In those moments, it’s very easy to be negative and forget our positive spirit. In such situations we can sometimes lose our temper…sometimes with your child. Yes, it happened to me once or twice and I felt horrible.

Of course we can apologise afterwards, but let’s try to understand that children are like a sponge. They absorb information very fast. And once the words are out, there is a risk they will be remembered. Also, it is impossible for us to know the ways in which it could affect the LO.

Here are some standard  “negative” and “positive” phrases we could keep in mind because they could echo into the future, especially in difficult situations.  So, let’s get started…

Instead of saying:

  1. Boys don’t cry
  2. If you don’t listen to me, then you don’t get this or that
  3. We buy so many things for you and spend so much on you, and you …
  4. Don’t mind others, you are the priority
  5. Don’t be stupid or anything involving such words
  6. You will never have friends if you do this or that
  7. You are just like your dad / mom (what does it even mean??)
  8. You will never survive in this world if you keep doing this or that
  9. Stop eating so much otherwise you get fat and lonely
  10. Look at this kid (or brother / sister), he/she is doing it so much better than you

Let us focus on positive comments and motivation by saying this:

  1. Our dad/mom is the best in the whole world
  2. If you just do a little more effort, you will surely succeed
  3. It’s ok to cry a bit, you feel better
  4. I’m so happy to have you
  5. Don’t be afraid, I will always be next to you when you need me
  6. I’m so proud of you
  7. It’s ok to make mistakes, just try again
  8. You can make your own decision, I will support you
  9. We love you and we trust in you
  10. Dream and you can make every dream come true

Not from the first sight

This is how it all started. One evening, after I put my 3 months old baby to sleep, I just felt something. Something very strong, so strong that I had to share it with my best friend. I wrote her an instant message that was too long for the format used. I just squeezed all my thoughts into the longest text message ever! Importantly, I realised that I felt even happier than before. Here is what I wrote:

“You know what? Remember I told you that, in the beginning, when Alex Lucas was born, I was not really so crazy about him. It was not the love from the first sight that everyone talks about. I was scared about not having these feelings of love for my little baby boy. Of course I loved him, but I didn’t know him really yet.

Then, a couple of months later, I slowly started to fall in love… It was not yet THAT “big bang” love, but rather a longing to see him and a curiosity about his next movements. I was very gently, reasonable, sober and rational about him. Because he is a person and I had not really got to know him yet at that point.

But now, ….. I don’t know what happened, maybe it’s the fact he is reacting and chatting and smiling etc,  but I am soooooo crazy in love with him!!!! I don’t remember the last time I have ever been so in love. It’s very similar feeling to a man that you love. It’s so great and overwhelming. It’s literally like those times when I was first in love with Daniel and now Alex Lucas is his little version. (Of course I’m still in love with Daniel too)… It’s not just loving someone but really being in love… When you get butterflies and your heart beating strong and it seems as you on cloud nine.

Can’t get enough of Alex… Of course I can relax in the evening when he sleeps and I can have some “me time”, but the feeling of being in love is soooo strongly in my mind. I feel like a better person. And I feel like a happier person…”.

If this feeling doesn’t come to your baby immediately: when you get pregnant or when you give birth, that’s perfectly normal. You are a mother and will always be a mother.

The birth of a baby is such a miracle that it is just difficult to fully grasp and understand this concept… that in just 9 months there is a new little person coming to meet you and unconditionally love you.